Political column – January 17

Here, as in up to our neck in it.

And as you look around wondering how this happened, remember one thing. It's because MPs have voted for it. So this must be what our elected representatives, in their cleverer-than-us wisdom, want.

They asked for – nay, demanded – a "meaningful vote" on any deal reached between the Government and the EU negotiators.

Having got that "meaningful vote" and then delivered this result we, the electorate, are entitled to ask back: "What is the meaning of this?"

You may think it is all a mess. But I think I can discern a Cunning Plan, or rather a number of competing Cunning Plans.

You see, having dumped us in it, the MPs can now, in their minds, "save us."

As we find ourselves stuck and bewildered in this deep odure-filled hole, our MPs are standing on the edge with rival ropes to throw to us.

One rope, blue and yellow, is marked "EU."

"Grab the rope and come back to the EU," says one group on the bank, "And all your troubles will be over."

Then there's the Brexit rope.

"You shouldn't be in that position," Jacob Rees-Mogg says as he assesses the situation, overlooking the fact that he is one of over 400 MPs who pushed us in.

"It's because Theresa May hasn't done things properly. There's no alternative now but to cling to our rope and we'll haul you towards a proper Brexit."

Then there's Arlene Foster of the DUP. "I'll willingly throw you a rope. All it takes is three little words," she says.

"What's that – help me please?" "No – bin the backstop."

Theresa May has her own rope. It's frayed and completely parted, but she is still trying to convince us that it's the best rope available.

"Don't move," she says. "The way things are going, I might want to join you."

As for the Scottish Nationalists, they are a generous lot – so generous that they will throw us both ends of their rope. They will then walk off in a northerly direction saying: "It's your own fault. We want no part in it – we want to be on our own anyway."

When, over the next few days, our MPs go on telly and the radio to tell us that what is needed now is "certainty," please try not to laugh, because if you do they'll probably try to get you arrested.

Let's take stock. A historic defeat by 230 MPs' votes of a deal reached after two years of negotiations changes the landscape and challenges the notion that a deal – any deal whatsoever – could be reached which would be supported by a majority of the House of Commons.

Put simply, Parliament can't decide. Here are some options then...

OPTION ONE: Put it back to The People. The so-called People's Vote, a losers' re-run where the advocates can't even agree on the most basic question – what will the question be?

Tom Baldwin, one of the campaign's leading figures, wants it to be: the May deal, no deal, or no Brexit.

Let's think this through. The public would be invited to vote on the May deal, which has just been defeated by the biggest margin in Parliamentary history.

And if the May deal actually won in the People's Vote, we're all supposed to have confidence that MPs would all change their minds and suddenly support it ("we will implement your decision," etc).

What do they think we are? Stupid?

OPTION TWO: Ignore/bypass Parliament. Theresa May would just do what she thought best. Lots of support for that then.

OPTION THREE: Extend Article 50. Twenty years should do it.

OPTION FOUR: Get rid of MPs, who have collectively proven useless in deciding a way forward. Getting rid of them is not pie in the sky – there is a scenario in which this might happen, albeit temporarily.

Imagine, after weeks more of Parliamentary dillying and dallying, it ends up with a general election being called – for Thursday, March 28. That would mean for the entire month before the Brexit date of March 29 there would be no MPs.

That is because Parliament is dissolved automatically 25 working days before a general election. The wheels of government continue to turn, but without MPs.

The 2016 Brexit campaigners' slogan was that we could "take back control." What voters were not told was that our own MPs would crash the plane.