Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes on a Brussels love-in, a new verdict on eggs and a tip on panic buying

Read today's column from Peter Rhodes.

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IF you're planning to start your Brexit panic-buying soon, may I suggest you begin by stockpiling newspapers? Buy an extra dozen today.

THERESA said some unkind things and made the boys and girls cry. Chuka came to her party and so did Jeremy. But when Jeremy saw Chuka was there, Jeremy went home. Boris, who normally has a lot to say, got on his bike and cycled off in silence. Mr Bercow told all the boys and girls they were jolly nice people and nobody was a traitor. Theresa went to Brussels, again. Mr Bercow snapped at Andrea. Andrea blew a raspberry at Mr Bercow. (To be continued in next week's Beano).

MEANWHILE TV journalists everywhere are being asked: "So, what happens now?" and trying to look as though they have the faintest idea.

THE thing that really strikes you, against all the odds, is how affectionate the EU politicians and officials are to Theresa May. They know she voted Remain. They know, too, that her dogged pursuit of Brexit will damage their cherished EU. Yet they embrace her, kiss her, engage with her, sympathise with her. I wouldn't be surprised, when all this nonsense is over, if they hold annual Brexit reunions.

THE latest health research comes thick and fast. After a trawl through this month's scientific findings, it appears that two eggs a day may be bad for the heart but coffee is good for it, although if your coffee is too hot it can cause throat cancer. If you're on one of the cheaper brands of blood-pressure tablets, such as Amlodipine you have a better chance of surviving prostate cancer. On the other hand, too much sugar in your tea increases your risk of cancer. Your best bet is to switch immediately to the one-egg, Amlodipine, sugar-free, cold-beverage diet. On the other hand, it's only Monday and by the end of this week all the above advice from scientists may well have been rubbished by other scientists.

eBAY keeps asking for feedback on a fire extinguisher I bought some months ago. How can you pass judgement on such a thing without having used it? I wrote "Still waiting for a fire" which seems to have shut them up. Does anyone read this feedback?

HOW maths works. Thanks to better diet and lifestyle, your chances of getting dementia are decreasing by about 15 per cent per year. But because the population is growing and getting older, the number of people with dementia is actually rising. So that's less dementia but more dementia patients. Anybody else having trouble with this . . .?

THIS final item comes to you thanks to the journalistic device known as nicking stuff. The latest Private Eye magazine carries a letter urging people not to give themselves new names but to keep the ones they are given by their Mamas and their Papas. It is signed Orla Lisa Browne, Anders Caius Grey.