Shropshire Star

Peter Rhodes on the world's worst parents, a perfect one-liner and why women don't tell jokes

Read today's column from Peter Rhodes.

Published
Great parents

AS the threat / promise of a general election rages, the headlines erupt with the latest findings from opinion polls. Yet there's one question pollsters never ask: Do you think opinion polls are accurate?

IN an idle moment a reader texted the following puzzle to a pal: "Before the Ottoman empire gave us blanket boxes, what did people store their quilts in?" Quick as a flash came the answer: "Eider know."

AND still on gags, my recent encounter with a lady who made a joke on seeing ducks with their bums in the air while feeding in a pond ("They have to sink for their supper") touches on one of the great mysteries of society. Why do women rarely tell jokes?

THERE are probably more female comedians today than at any time in history. But while women may roar with laughter in all-female company, they don't often do gags. The New Zealand comedian Michèle A'Court suggested in a column a few years ago that "women are socialised out of being comedians." She recalled the views of the writer Christopher Hitchen who argued that "comedy was a mating tool and women don’t need that particular arrow in their quiver because they are pretty and make babies." Discuss.

IT may also be that much humour involves confrontation which comes more easily to men than women. Like the perfectly timed one-liner I witnessed in my misspent youth on the building sites when a large navvy and I ordered a couple of pints of lunchtime mild at the nearest pub. The navvy took a sip and grimaced. The landlord pointed to the window. "Looks like rain," said the landlord. "Tastes like ****ing rain," replied the navvy. It's a bloke thing.

IF you believe in reincarnation, there is one clear message from David Attenborough's new series, One Planet, Seven Worlds (BBC1). Do not come back as an albatross, a creature so blitheringly stupid that it can only recognise its own offspring when the chick sits on the nest. Stay on the nest and Dad feeds you. Fall off the nest and Dad hasn't a clue who you are. I cannot imagine why any creature would evolve such a species-hazarding approach to parenting. If you want good parents, try resurrecting as an orang-utan.

DAVID Walliams and Matt Lucas, late of Little Britain, present Little Brexit tomorrow on BBC Radio 4. I would hate to prejudge it but I suspect it will portray those who voted to leave the EU as racists, profiteers or dimwits. So it's worth reminding yourself that Walliams and Lucas don't exactly score 100 per cent when it comes to sound judgment. Both have had to apologise publicly for blacking-up and making fun of transgender folk in Little Britain. Lucas says his views have "evolved" since then. Good. In the same way, today's views will doubtless evolve when Brexit becomes a reality. Everything looks better on the sunlit uplands . . .